Yes, that was a portmanteau.

Today, on a whim, which hit me quite frequently, it occurred to me that I’d never before created hot sauce.

A quick Google search later, I found a delicious reading recipe, hurried to the grocery store, and purchased around $34 worth of goods.

So fresh and so clean.

First, the recipe called for preparing the Habañero peppers, and I obliged. Didn’t touch anything other than my hands – I was good.

A couple of pointers here: I chose the most difficult recipe regarding fruit. Mango?

Never before seen one whole, let alone touched one, let alone attempt to dissect this slippery, seriously-shelled fruit. Google to the rescue, a couple quick tic-tac-toe slices later, four mangoes found a new home in my giant pot.

Then, the pineapple. xkcd.com had it exactly right. Pineapple is kinda tasty, but is a real pain in the ass to dissect. This hurdle took about 6 minutes to overcome.

I didn’t actually use all five heads of garlic – I have jar’d, minced garlic, and used that by the spoonful. Saved me a bunch of time.

Looooooong story short, everything ended up in the pot, thusly.

Everything ready to rock.

Oh, my mistake? Wanting a reminder as to what exactly Pineapple tastes like. The habanero oils said hi to my mouth for about 20 minutes. Was alright though. Kept me alert.

The Zoomy, on the other hand, wasn’t very helpful. In fact, he was mostly a distraction. A distraction in a paper bag.

Paper bags are his favourite forts.

I think he would have taken apart my ankles first.

I brought the mixture to a boil for a bit, and then pureéd it twice. I bet the professionals have sieves, as the hot sauce ended up being a bit like a slushy.

I canned two batches successfully – would have been more cans, but I forgot to purchase more Mason Jars.

The color is just about what it should be, given that most of its color comes from Pineapple and Mango.

In conclusion, it was a great experiment. I’m sure I lack a bit of patience, and perhaps the proper tools, such as glass-EVERYTHING (non-reactive, whatever that means). Next time, I believe I’ll wear some latex gloves, as I did manage to develop some first-degree habanero burns, which made my thumb and middle fingers heat-sensitive.

After processing.

On the bright side, up until JUST now, I hadn’t touched my eyes. I am very happy to truthfully report that only minor irritation is commencing.

I’ll have to do this again sometime. The real test will be tomorrow, as I’ll be presenting this at work to colleagues, and post-work to friends.

~Paul